All the king's horses and all the king's men...

Every night it's the same. You get done with everything and you retire to your bedroom thinking you'll go to bed and sleep comfortably and then wake up. But what happens is that you only think you'll go to bed and sleep comfortably and wake up.

I don't like sleeping. Sure I like to dream and it's pretty sometimes but it's a bitch waking up when I'm supposed to. I thought it was because I like to think I'm carefree and would rather be up than have my higher functions shut down. Like voluntary paralysis. But its not that. Now I know I'm terrified of sleeping. You think you'll go to bed and sleep comfortably but it never happens. You end up looking at the ceiling and the slow rhythm of the fan taunting you. You think about the void and you try to fill it with transiency, thinking about the day and family and friends and how great it is you're supposed to have. But the hole gets deeper and every night hits harder than the one before. And then you turn and close your eyes and realize that you have to wake up to the same bullshit over again. Your life is as meaningful as that empty bottle of your favourite cologne that you're going to throw away later but never do. Sleepless is better than fooling yourself you get to start over. There is no brilliant sequel because the original sucked so bad. Nobody wanted a Legally Blonde 2.
You start going to fucked up places in your head and you get up and watch some TV you have no appetite for. You're not enjoying yourself but that's how it is. You do push ups to tire yourself but that only gets your heart racing. There is no higher purpose and there is no meaning and you realize that there is nothing to fill that hole, you toss and suddenly you're riding your bike, falling asleep.

Press Play. Forward. Side Change.
Welcome to Side B of Bullshit. This whole living thing will never make sense and you may now bang your head against the wall.

I hate it when they say you should sleep over something, it'll be better in the morning. Morning's here, motherfuckers. And the streets are still on fire.