An Open Letter to James Cameron

Dear James,
I'm a big fan. I loved Alien and even more, Aliens. I love the fact you used the villain from one movie as the hero in the sequel and made that Austrian face so Hollywood that later, they elected him Governor. Sir, you are an icon in film making and a god among genre affictionados. So then, why oh why would you get a sex change and make that shit peice Titanic. And have that break the roof of the box office? Only if the boys knew that Katy would start signing documents that made sure she gets to take her clothes off for every film she made in the future. But hell, it made money and made girls remember your name, so grudging kudos to your success with that. Titanic's heart would go on and on but after the 653rd remix of Celine Dion's number, the scene began to sink. Slowly Sting's Desert Rose and it's billion remixes started hitting Mohammad Ali and maybe in the confusion of figuring what the fuck Sting was trying to mumble in that song, people started to forget their Tittanic phase. Boys, who did not play sports often, started to dream about the next movie you were going to blow their minds with. I, on a personal note, began hoping humbly that this new secret project you were working on would make people forget you ever made Titanic. But you fucked it up again.

With your gender reassignment, I see you've been taking high doses of your hormonal therapy. You took the ultra cool Uhura from Star Trek and turned her into a naked pixie in the forest. That would not be such a bad thing if she didn't cry so funny. "Maaahh ahhhh". What the fuck. I don't want to hear Chewbacca give birth. I don't want Michelle Rodriguez to be a nice self-sacrificing martyr. I don't want to see expansive and never ending shots of Pandora that you spent millions on and are dying to show off. It's boring. And was it just me or did no scene during those avatar/navi bonding session raise a hair? It was bland. Especially when the dumb aliens just take in a random dude into the intimacy of their tribe. And everything just fell in to place, eh? I'm loving these cheesy messiah storylines taking place these days in movies that just just drop out of the sky with plugs to fill in the plot holes. And the obligatory deus ex machina at the end. It was only cool back when Neo gets shot and wakes up seeing the world in green. Just thinking about that is making me regret going to avatar when i could have been watching the Matrix on high def. All in all, it was a mediocre affair and I kept wishing I hadn't seen and loved Dances with Wolves before.
And blue aliens with tails riding scary black alien horses and attacking mankind is eery. It's paranoid of me to say but there had to be something subliminal about the movie. Why else would you spend so much money on a movie with that recycled a story? Fine. Even I was dying to see it, knowing the general story and probable plot twists. I bought the hype. But how could anyone watch this again and why on earth would you ever want to even recommend it to anybody? So why is it breaking every record! I'm bitter it did well. Sorta like when we got Asif Ali Zardari as the president. Now I'm convinced more than ever that Satan was somehow involved in all this.